Before I go any further, I want to say this: Mom, don't worry, I'm all right. Ashley and I made it out alive, with minimal injuries. The car may need repair... but that's another story. Now that we got that part out of the way, let me say that the measly two and a half days since Friday were so eventful, it will take not one, but three Facebook notes to tell the tale. So get comfortable. Here goes.
ACT I: Like a Deer on a Telephone Pole
As we loaded up the car with just a couple of last minute odds and ends (which nevertheless filled the trunk and the back seat), Ashley and I reflected on how in control we are in comparison to December. Back then, the whole thing could come crashing down at any minute. Now? Now we were leaving Berkeley ahead of schedule, and may even make it to the first tech rehearsal on time.
You know where this is going, right?
The I-80 was trafficky, as it usually is on a Friday evening. Around Davis, we've had it. We were late to tech at this point and we'd be even MORE late if we sat in this barely moving parking-lot like line of cars. Ashley took my iPhone, looked up the map and started redirecting us around the traffic. At least, we figured, we'd bypass most of it. This has worked before. I felt confident: this was Davis, home of my alma mater, my old stomping ground, as it were. Though that was a decade ago... but hey. We had a rehearsal to make.
We took Mace Blvd. Then it turned into County Road 104. When you hit numbers, it should be a warning. I figured, meh, we're on the outskirts of town, but this road is paved, it's all good. It's a little dark and spooky here, but we're headed for highway.
Right.
Then we take a turn onto what we thought was a county road. We thought we saw a "No Trespassing" sign flash by in the dark (at this point, it was very dark), but I figured it referred to one of the little ranches by the side of the road. The road itself was a little muddy, but looked (in the darkness illuminated only by my headlights) as a nicely packed gravel road. Wet, but passable. Really wet, I nearly got stuck. Super-wet, I was sliding. Then... I got stuck. REALLY stuck. COMPLETELY stuck. And then, while trying to get out of the mud in reverse, the stick got stuck ... in reverse.
So. Here we are.
At this point Ashley got a tiny bit verklempt, mostly because she felt like it was all her fault. Having calmed down a little, we called a tow truck. Or five. Because once they heard WHERE we were (and it took a little while to describe), the response was identical:
TOW COMPANY: "Is it a paved road?"
ASHLEY: "Uhh... kinda."
TOW COMPANY: "Hm. Well. Uh. No promises. We'll try."
One truck got to us first, made it to the beginning of the little country road we were on and called me to say that he'd "have to disappoint." This is how we learned that not ONE towing company in Yolo County runs four-wheel drives. Which was a bit of a surprise. At which point *I* am starting to get a little verklempt because uh... how the hell are we going to get out of here? The towers are not encouraging, we're sitting alone in a stuck car in the middle of horrific mud (nasty, sticky clay) in nearly total darkness with the wind howling outside.
The trucker guy calls us again and says that he has a buddy who has a four-wheel drive. He'll be with us within the hour. Ashley calls another towing company, talks to the guy who says that, while they don't run four-wheel drive trucks, his own SUV should be able to take the mud. Other trucks are on the way, with no promises. By now, there's no way we'll make it to the tech rehearsal at all. We'll be lucky to make it out of the mudfield altogether.
While trying to project outward calm, internally I'm freaking out and trying to come up with contingencies. If we can't get towed, we at least call 9-11, get someone to get us the hell out of the car, abandon it until we can get it out, at least, etc. etc. The show MUST come on Saturday night, come hell, high water or deep mud.
The first of the FWD trucks shows up. It takes everyone a while to find us. He says "wait, is that another towing truck here? How many did you guys call? Oh boy." They all converge upon us at once. Three of them: two FWD SUVs and the AAA towing truck. Guys come up to us and speak through the window. They look over the car, pause, then say:
TOWING GUY: "So uh. How did you get out here?"
ME: "We drove."
TOWING GUY: "All right." PAUSE. "So I grew up here, okay? And the only reason I would ever drive so far out here was to, you know, park. So why are you here?"
ASHLEY: "Oh, we were trying to bypass that traffic on the highway." You can actually SEE the highway from where we are. Maddening.
TOWING GUY: "Oh, this road ends not too far from here, you would've never made it."
ME: "Ah. Good to know! Can you get us out?"
TOWING GUY: "Workin' on it."
They were quite impressed. Have you ever seen one of those pictures of a deer on a telephone pole? Like this: http://www.jerrypippin.com
While we were getting hooked up to a truck, one of the guys helped me liberate the gear shift from reverse. Except now I could hit every gear EXCEPT reverse. I figured, well. Could be worse. Then we got pulled out of the hole we dug ourselves into... only to get stuck again. This time the FWD was not getting any traction.
This is where I got properly scared. Because um. A fucking TRUCK couldn't get us out! It took a lot to keep my composure, because Ashley was thinking along the same lines, a bit more vocally.
The guys were grim. Chatting among themselves, answering me in monosyllables. I heard "wanna hook up to me?" "Yeah." Okay, I thought. Two trucks. Maybe that'll work? If not, there was also the AAA guy. I heard chains rattling. Then we moved again! This time around, we got towed all the way to terra firma with no further incident. The guys even told us where to find a power wash that was open 24 hours and even escorted us there!
At this point I was ready to pay them pretty much anything, and to reflect how bad the situation was, the towing guy ran my card without even telling me the amount. Just took my card and went to his truck. He even, absent-mindedly, put it in his pocket for a while, before realizing that he didn't give it back to me. And yet, the total bill was... $200. Which the two truckers that towed us split among themselves. The AAA guy presented us with no bill.
So. At about 11 p.m. we stumbled into our hotel room in Sacramento, muddy, worn out and riding a car that wouldn't shift into reverse. I also learned how far you could go with only the forward gears working: you can get pretty much anywhere, as long as you don't have to parallel park, and remember to park on a slight incline, such that your car can roll backwards while in neutral. That is how I drove all throughout the rest of the weekend.
We got some food. We took a hot shower. We collapsed in bed because we'd have to be up in just a few hours. A much longer, harder day awaited us on the other side.
... to be continued ...
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